“Make sure you do double take to make sure you have everything. You can’t just drive across the ocean to grab that t shirt you forgot” my dad reminded me, trying to lighten the mood because my mom was an emotional wreck.
“I have everything pops” I assured him. I knew I was set and had everything on my to pack lists but I couldn’t help wonder around the house I grew up in, the house I got to call “home” for the last 19 years. I knew everything I needed was in my overstuffed suitcase that weighed more than my little arms could carry but my mind wanted to have forgotten something so that I could slip in a few extra minutes before heading out the door for the last time in who knew how long.
“Oh sweetie, this house is going to miss you more than you know” my mom whispered choking on her tears.
“I’m gonna miss it more than it knows as well” I said, trying to put up a strong front for my mom and oddly my house even though I knew it was inanimate, it felt as if my house was mourning for me as well.
I took one last glance around the house and let my body take over because my heart was in complete shambles. I finally was able to get myself out of the door, and into the car. It was a little before sunrise, so the sky was still dark, the moon still in sight, but the sun was peeking through.
“Alright, lets go” my dad said after he typed in the address for the airport.
The car ride was silent, but I could feel the unsaid words of my parents. My dad giving me a list of “to-dos” in case I come across a mechanical issue. And my mom pleading her case as to why I shouldn’t be moving across the globe and trying to convince me that the uni across the street would give me the same experience.
I looked out the window at the dim-lit streetlights, the emptiness of the streets, and the sleeping neighborhood. I wondered if any of the houses we drove by were also going through a life changing day.
“Park in the one-hour lot” My mom instructed my dad.
“Honey, I don’t think we’ll take that long. Right Becca?”
“Well, just to be safe.” I answered, knowing my mom would need the extra minutes to send me off.”
We unloaded the car, and my dad wheeled the suitcase as I grabbed my tote with all my belongings that would keep me company for the next 11 hours in the clouds.
“We’re gonna miss you so much bud, but you go out there and you have fun alright? We are so proud of you.” My dad finally choked as tears started rolling down his face. We stood there in a little huddle just sobbing, as suitcases rolled by. I wanted to hold on to the last of what would feel comfortable for a while, for as long as I could. But I knew time wasn’t waiting for us. So, I grabbed my suitcase handle, wiped the tears off my eyes even though more were sprinkling down, and headed towards the gate to enter the deport station.
I made my way to my gate after finishing all the necessary security checks. I don’t remember boarding the plane or rolling down the aisle full of unfamiliar people all going to the same destination. It was as if my mind had completely detached from my body, and I was just going through the motions; numb to it all.
But then it hit me. A sharp pain to my heart. One I was familiar with. I looked down at the world as the plane was taking off. I thought about my parents who were probably on their way to a now empty childless home. I thought about my friends who were probably now just waking up enjoying the last few weeks of their summer break. But my heart kept wandering back to someone else. I thought of him. He was the cause of this sharp pain I had despite being in the middle of following my dreams. He was what was holding me back because my heart was still with him. Where he was, my heart was. And who knows how long he will be the keeper of this scattered heart. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I wasn’t ready to deal with this next chapter with his absence. But, despite not being ready, I knew time moved on. And, hopefully, so will I.
Written by: Bawi Sung
Image Credit
Owl Things Considered 